


Hurt

by LoseInhibition



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, John is an angel, M/M, Sherlock is sweet and confused, Teenlock, Unilock, and it's not very explicit, because I hate sad Sherlock, the non-con is not with john, there's a lot of that here though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-26 15:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoseInhibition/pseuds/LoseInhibition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternatively 5 times Sherlock hates himself and 1 time (out of the rest of his life) he didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song Hurt by Johnny Cash. It goes very well with the fic, pretty much every single line is relevant, though I did actually hear the song after writing this. Also the song Save Me by Gotye is good for the happy parts.

1  
When Sherlock is 16 he has spent the past 2 years of his life at a boarding school and they have been the worst 2 years of his life. Which is saying a lot since his childhood wasn't exactly brilliant. He gets bullied mercilessly.  
"Hey freak. Piss off. Faggot. Shut the fuck up. You're such a homo Holmes."  
He's long passed using Mycroft's technique of trying to hurt them back. He mostly remains silent and ignores everyone. He wishes he were more like Mycroft. Unfeeling. It's something he's wished for often enough over the years. When he was just a young kid and Mycroft knew everything. When he was a boy and Mycroft had abandoned him and was at a boarding school but would return every holiday and tell Sherlock how to deal with it when it was his turn. Now that Mycroft has a job and Sherlock is still at school.

 

2  
When Sherlock is 17 he finds himself at a party. He's not sure how he ended up there but it's probably somewhere along the lines of someone needing a source of entertainment and that source being him. He has nothing but disdain for the place and the inebriated people around him, he thinks they might be drunk enough not to notice his escape. He attempts to get up to leave but his body won't cooperate and he finds himself crumpled on the floor. He staggers up, his limbs failing, and tries crawling toward the exit. His mind is fuzzy and his body is not working so he concludes he must be drunk but he's hardly had anything to drink. He wonders if he may have been drugged for the sake of him being more amusing.  
"Hey. Where you going?"  
He sees a boy with soft brown hair and green eyes in front of him, although not clearly. Victor Trevor. Victor is popular but Sherlock doesn't mind him because he's slightly above average at science and has never bullied Sherlock.  
He's confused as to why Victor is dragging him into a room. He hopes its something along the lines of sobering him up. However when he feels Victor shove him down into a sofa and start kissing him hard and aggressively Sherlock realises his hopes had been far from right. It's Sherlock's first kiss and he really doesn't want this so he attempts to push Victor off but his arms haven't regained ability from whatever Sherlock had ingested.  
Then Victor is taking of his shirt, then Sherlock's. Then his trousers and Sherlock's. Then their both completely naked.  
He hasn't said anything but he hasn't consented or reciprocated any actions Victor has been forcing on him so he knows this must be rape, still he hasn't said no.  
Sherlock realises he's crying as Victor uses him.  
"No. No, please, stop." He manages to sob out in a strangled cry but Victor ignores him, finishes and leaves.  
Leaves Sherlock after having brutally taken his virginity. Leaves him lying on the couch, exhausted, gasping desperately, tears streaming down his face.  
The next day is the day Victor Trevor starts bullying him. He tells everyone how he was drunk and "that faggot Holmes" raped him whilst he was passed out. Sherlock doesn't say anything.

3  
When Sherlock is 18 he lives half in his parents house half in the streets. He's smoking a packet of cigarettes daily, swallowing various different pills and rolling up his sleeves to inject things into his body that cause prick mark scars along his arms, to match with the long thin lines.  
Apparently he's broken his mother's heart, the one he's not sure she ever had.  
He knows he should stop now that he's out of that place but he can't. He knows what he's doing to himself. He's damaging his brain, the only part of himself he ever liked, by trying to numb it.

4  
When Sherlock is 19 he's been in rehab for a few months. He's a lot better now. He won't go back to the drugs, he knows how much they've done.  
Mycroft has got him into a university. A good one, Sherlock doesn't know how many strings he must have pulled to arrange that.  
Sometimes he feels almost happy but then he looks in the mirror and he remembers who he is.  
He's thinner and paler than he used to be so he looks like a skeleton. His skin is almost translucent, stretched over his bones. His face looks like a skull with dull, empty eyes and hollow cheeks. His hair is lanky and disheveled much like his entire person. His body is littered with scars. He knows that when he goes to university everyone will be able to see what he is. It's written all over his skin.

5  
Sherlock does not find university as bad as school. It is considerably better, maybe even enjoyable. People admire his intellect and no one is nasty to him but he doesn't let anyone close enough to know him. Except one.  
He meets John Watson on the first day of university. John is his roommate. He has sandy blonde hair and big deep blue eyes that are filled with compassion and kindness. He is well liked and kind and attractive and muscular from playing football and rugby. Sherlock thinks he should hate him but he can't.  
John is nice. He knows that it is not a very good description but it is perfect for John. John has a lot of friends but somehow he seems to like Sherlock best. He knows when Sherlock is heading into one of his moods and does something stupid and they both giggle. He is Sherlock's friend.  
John wants to be a doctor and Sherlock knows he'll be a very good one because he is the most caring person he has ever met and has healed Sherlock after knowing him for only a few weeks.  
Mycroft worries about his dependence on John, Sherlock worries too. When John isn't around, which isn't very often since they have become inseparable, Sherlock can feel himself slipping.  
Sherlock is in love with John. It was inevitable from the beginning. John is the best person to have ever existed but he will never love Sherlock back, which is really not something he could ever fault him for. John could have anyone he liked. From what John's old friends have said about 'three continents Watson' John has had anyone he liked. John seems embarrassed by it. Sherlock wonders what he would think if he knew his sexual history.  
Sherlock wishes he were someone else. Someone good and clean and perfect to be good enough to deserve someone like John Watson. 

+1  
Every Friday at 8pm John goes to the pub with his friends and returns at 11, which is approximately 6 hours earlier than his friends. He attempts to get Sherlock to come along but Sherlock always declines.  
He usually studies or wallows in self pity on these nights. Tonight he attempts to finish of some work but he keeps remembering. Tears start to fall down his face and he tries to stop them but its only 10, John won't be back for another hour. Then he hears the door open. He wraps the sheets around him and rolls to his side so John can't see his face. He's not wearing a long sleeve shirt. He can't let John see the scars so he pulls the sheets tighter.  
"Sherlock? I know you're awake."  
John rolls him over and his eyes widen as he sees Sherlock's tear stained cheeks and red eyes.  
"Sherlock? What's wrong? Please tell me." His expressive eyes are filled with desperation and sadness. He uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe at Sherlock's cheek.  
"Is this ok?" He asks as he sits next to Sherlock, stroking his face and hair.  
It makes Sherlock's heart aches, how John knows to ask without knowing anything.  
Sherlock nods and then he's sobbing into John's shirt and telling him everything. How he hated school, how he was bullied, how his drink was spiked and he was raped, how he self harmed, how he took drugs, how he went into rehab, how he abhors himself.  
John doesn't say anything whilst he talks and when he's done he dares to look at him, to see the disgust that must be there. What he sees is anger, but the anger is not directed at him, he can tell.  
"I can't believe how nasty humans are. I want to punch everyone who hurt you in the face. God I hate them so fucking much. Jesus how could anyone do that you are so perfect I love you so goddamn much." John continues ranting but Sherlock is still stuck on 'I love you'.  
"John?"  
"Sorry. I'm just so mad."  
"You love me?"  
John's eyes widen and he hesitates but then he nods.  
"I- yeah."  
Sherlock wants to say it back but he can't, his mouth won't form the words, instead he asks.  
"Can I kiss you?"  
John looks at him, trying to read him and then he smiles and nods but doesn't make a move. Sherlock knows he wants it to be him to initiate so he turns his face and presses their lips together.  
Sherlock isn't quite sure what to do, it's the first times he's done this, mutual kissing, but John places a hand on his neck and one on his jaw and guides him gently. The kiss is sweet and soft and John pulls away. He's smiling widely but looks nervous.  
"Ok?"  
"Yes."  
Sherlock confirms before climbing onto John's lap and grabbing at the front of his shirt. John tangles his hands in Sherlock's dark hair and tugs lightly as they kiss more heatedly now, their teeth clashing as they pant desperately into each others mouths. Eventually John pulls away.  
Sherlock attempts to drag John back towards him but John shakes his head. Sherlock knows John must not want to have to go any further with him. "Was that a sympathy kiss?" He asks quietly.  
John looks incredulous.  
"What? No! I've loved since we first met. Sherlock nothing you've done is your fault. You've been hurt."  
"Y-you don't hate me?"  
"Hate you? God no. The only thing that upsets me is how you can't see how lovely you are."  
Sherlock leans down to kiss John tenderly.  
He pulls away this time. "You, um, don't mind taking it slow? Do you? I'm sorry." He's not sure if John wants to take anything at all but John just says.  
"Of course. You have to be honest with me though. I never want to cause you any pain. Please stay with me forever, I can't let anybody harm you."  
John's cheeks pinken after this statement and he looks away. Sherlock smiles and reattaches their lips.  
"Bed?" John asks after minutes of slow kissing.  
"Can you sleep with me?" Sherlock questions nervously.  
"Bed's a bit small."  
"You're small." John pouts.  
"That's not going to get anyone into your bed." he teases. It's Sherlock's turn to pout and John relents.  
"I'll push the beds together."  
They get ready and Sherlock doesn't wear a long sleeve shirt. When John sees the scars he doesn't look alarmed or disgusted. His face takes on a strange sort of sadness and he holds Sherlock's hand as he brushes his lips lightly over Sherlock's forearms.  
John turns the light off and gets into his own bed before crawling over to Sherlock.  
Sherlock feels John's chest against his back and an arm wrapping around his waist and a hand carding through his hair.  
He hears the words "I love you" murmured into his neck.  
Sherlock whispers "I love you too." And feels a smile pressed against his skin.  
He drifts of and wakes up entangled in the arms of John Watson and he has never been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally gonna write more on how they are but I didn't know how to start it so I didn't.


End file.
